By Penda N’diaye 💦
When I first saw a woman squirt on a porn website, I was convinced that this was some sort of sorcery that only the most minuscule percentage of women could achieve. And for them to practically gush waterfalls on command? I laugh now thinking back to when cumming multiple times in a row was success enough. The bar had been raised, my dice were on the table, and let me tell you, I like to win.
At the time I was in a relationship with a man, Mr. R, a former swinger turned monogamist per my personal request, who enjoyed sexual exploration as much as I do. This wasn’t my first time dating a swinger: My boyfriend before him had a weird fascination with wanting to watch me have sex with other men in front of him. At the time I wasn’t emotionally capable of understanding why anyone would want to share their partner in such an intimate way. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t Iast because I could never quiet my not so quiet inner thoughts that screamed, “You are sexually inadequate.” In retrospect, I can understand his unique preferences and perhaps a more secure and confident future version of myself would be down to put on the best show possible for said guests. I am a performer, after all.
Mr. R and I did have some sexual encounters with multiple people which proved to be more of a learning experience than anything else. It was only after having a foursome in which the other woman involved kept going down on me that I realized I wasn’t really sexually attracted to women. (Bish, whet?) Yes, a tongue is a tongue, but you can’t trick the mind. A perfect example that proves that we can directly correlate sexual arousal to our psychological states.
The second lesson came for my partner Mr. R after a threesome when he realized he needed more attention from me while we were playing with other people. And the most important lesson of all came after a failed attempt to meet up with another couple: I’m a selfish muthatrucker. Let’s just say that these previous experiences with multiple partners were well manicured facades that I wore in order to appear free spirited and was masquerading as the “sexy, crazy, cool, chick”, while realistically I was always thinking, “I own that dick.” Perhaps not the best mantra to have in a scenario where you’re literally expected to share all of yourself. I write this to highlight the level of comfort that existed between myself and Mr. R.
After we had reached the point of complete and utter unabashed sex, squirting was the next feat on our Pro Hoe list.
One night, he bent me over on the bed, one leg lifted, slowly put himself inside of me and soon after I felt a warm sensation trickling down my leg.
I didn’t know exactly what happened, and to be honest, there was no clear indication beforehand that my body was at the brink of female ejaculation. Let me be clear, my first squirt wasn’t the exploding, sprinkler, broken sink type of squirt that you necessarily see in porn movies, but no victory is too small. He was elated! It was his first time making a woman squirt and we both felt like we had broken down some forbidden wall (pun intended). My porn aspirations had come true in the privacy of our own bedroom. I have never wished we had made a sex tape so voraciously. I was so wet, I had the largest grin on my face and we had some of the best sex of our relationship to follow.
One memorable night, Mr. R had made me squirt and after a long time having sex, I was frankly exhausted. But he insisted that I squirt again. He placed a towel on the end of the bed, made me get on all fours and started fingering me from behind. This was the most liquid I’ve ever seen leave my vagina, lol. You know your “orgasm face”? Imagine that expression on your face for 10 seconds and everything around you being still. The “Black Beatle Challenge” has nothing on my stoic squirting face. Needless to say, we’ll both remember those purple sheets and seeing a huge puddle of womanly goodness despite the towel for a long time to come.
After my first “she-jaculation”, it was as if the gates had opened and squirting became a sexual conquest for us to achieve during each session. It was progressively easier for me to squirt and for Mr. R and I to pinpoint the exact areas that needed stimulation. I know some of you want to know precisely how to make it happen and this much I can offer to you: It is definitely reliant on an emotional and physical vulnerability. I’m talking about spreading my legs with the lights on with everything to share and feeling confident in all that is exposed. And said partner is in no way timid to take their time exploring. Can you really expect to let all of those good juices flow while being modest? The most surprising revelation is that we had only just hit the tip of the iceberg. I’ve never been the largest fan of finger banging, but ya’ll, if your partner puts some elbow grease into it (two fingers minimum) after you’re already dripping wet, it won’t disappoint. When their fingers are going in and out, try to focus on relaxing your vagina and the contact being applied to your G-Spot. The G-spot is said to be an erotic zone at the front of the vagina, and this area is intimately connected with the urethra.
Often, women mistake the sensation right before squirting for having to go pee. Squirting is not pee, but rather a fluid which contains a natural chemical called prostate-specific antigen. This indicates that the liquid most likely comes from structures called Skene's glands, which are rather like the female equivalent of the male prostate. They are very tiny structures, located near the opening of the urethra. There is no doubt that pressing on the area of the G-spot would affect the above-mentioned Skene's glands, which are said by some to be the source of female ejaculation. If your partner is not quite hitting the spot, have them curve their fingers up slightly, similar to the stroke of a curved dick. Don’t we all love a curved dick??
Are the few women who squirt on a regular basis some sort of sexual prodigies who represent the highest form of female sexual euphoria?
Have we set the orgasmic threshold to an unachievable high? Have women finally discovered our unparalleled superpower? I truly hope that more women and men can discover how to make their partners squirt, it is indubitably one of the most freeing, spontaneous, unique experiences that my female body has ever unveiled. Speaking of the unmatched sexual power that is a woman’s body, I leave you with a quote from Michael Coel, creator and writer of Chewing Gum: “"Guy: So...what do you do for fun?
Me: I really enjoy flirting all night then coming home alone, to my couch, where I masturbate in solitude, turned on by an alternate life in which I'm braver and more entitled to men's bodies. You?”
Pro Hoe is a sexually liberated column that uses the humorous, honest and candid sexual experiences of Penda N’diaye in an effort to create a space for people of color to share and communicate their sexual desires without societal bias and stigma. Email your questions to email@example.com (anonymity guaranteed)